February 28, 2013

Coveting Contentment

*
*
if the eyes are the window to the soul,
then isn't what we choose to put in front of our eyes
the adornment of our souls?
if our souls were houses,
and our eyes the windows,
then the images and things we fix them on become the interior decorations.
what do you covet?
simple things like
articles of clothing,
the latest ipad,
a new car,
books,
money,
all of the stereotypical things that the pastor lists during his sunday sermon.
"beware covetousness,"
he says
"happiness cannot be found in money,
or cars,
or apple products,
or labels."
but what do you covet
-truly covet-
that's not on that list?
what about true love,
happily-ever-after?
what about that life you dream of?
what about a home on the beach?
i covet daily,
hourly,
moment-by-moment.
my desires are so tainted.
i covet a different personality;
one more alert,
friendly
lovable,
funny,
giving,
talented,
attractive,
witty...
the list is endless.
i covet that perfect body.
the ones pasted in the ads,
and advertised on pinterest
followed by the tips to achieve it.
i covet the perfect hair of the girl down the hall,
how it falls in soft waves,
my roommate's hands,
long elegant fingers.
i covet the smile of a passerby,
and the sunny, sweet disposition of a friend.
i spend all of my time desiring things i don't have.
no.
i spend all of my time unhappy with what god has given me.
no.
i spend all of my time telling god that what he has given me
isn't good enough.
yes.
we are called to labour for perfect things using imperfect vessels.
but these vessels are imperfect for a reason.
do you really think for one moment that god needs us in order for him to complete his work?
no.
he delights to use us
our mistakes,
our shortcomings,
our endless weaknesses and sins,
to show his calm mercy,
indelible love,
and perfect strength.
god made me imperfect for a reason.
he made me covetous so that i could learn how satisfied i am in him.
do you know what i covet most of all?
i covet contentment.
i covet being able to say
"i am here,
i have this,
i face this
and that's okay."
i covet being able to embrace my imperfections so that i might be able to realize,
more deeply,
my dependence on christ.
most days it's hard
-almost undeniably so-
to convince myself that i do not covet that pinterest-perfect body,
and all of the acceptance and joy that i seem to feel comes with it,
so much that i am willing to starve,
beat,
and eventually kill myself to achieve it.
("nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" says kate moss)
but i covet freedom and recovery more.
i covet my flaws
because it's through them that i covet christ's faultlessness.

3 comments:

emii said...

oh yes grace, oh yes, this is me, right where i am. your words this past week have been a great comfort. you've written the words i didn't know how to put down. thanks so much.

RissaRoo said...

That Kate Moss quote...oh. It says so much in so few words.

Thank you for your honestly, it is a beautiful thing.

Emily Wierenga said...

YES. yes. i love how you turned this around... how you covet contentment. this is the perspective we all need. thanks so much for linking, grace! e.