August 16, 2012

Project Heal

One Year.
Three hundred and sixty five days.
A hundred thousand small moments and big tears.
How do you measure a year in a life?
A year ago,
 I stepped into my therapist's office for the first time and chose recovery.
A year ago, 
I saved my own life.
A year ago,
I chose recovery,
And set off on the hardest journey I've yet to make.
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Savannah, 
Sophie's sister,
 Is an exceptionally talented photographer,
And was more than happy to help me out with a celebratory photo shoot as a sort of therapy assignment.
This is what 365 days of life looks like.
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This is my favourite dress. 
It is also too short for me to take to my college this Fall,
So I've been wearing it as much as I possibly can before I leave.
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I sometimes almost always have trouble being serious.
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Recovery is definitely a one-way, no stop road.
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Mysterious and strange fireplace of stone,
Overgrown by weeds,
Covered in Ivy.
I swear it's a portal to an enchanted world.
So I did some ballet on top.
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(This is an infinitely cooler duck pond than the one I sit at situated near my home.)
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My recovery playlist includes:
1. Songbird: Jillian Edwards
2. God is Love: Innocence Mission
3. Thread: Trae Miller
4. The Cave: Mumford and Sons
5. Lions!: LIGHTS
6. This Is War: Ingrid Michaelson
7. Why Waste More Time: Rosie Thomas
8. I Was Made For Sunny Days: The Weepies
9. Whole Wide Word: Mindy Gledhill
10. Brielle: Adam Young
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I love this lady, and can't wait for her to be my sister.
(Only two more days!)
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Sophie once referred to me as being her girl crush. 
This is us flirting. 
Or something.
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An eating disorder is a mask.
It covers up everything you don't want to see,
And distracts you from dealing with the things you don't want to do.
It's a way to hide and a way to cope.
Dude:
I'm done with wearing masks. 
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Recovery isn't fun.
Recovery isn't noble or valiant or an easy road to travel.
Recovery is letting yourself cry.
It's allowing yourself to be imperfect,
Realizing you don't have to be the best at everything,
Blameless,
Perfectly molded,
And perfectly poised
To be loved.
Recovery is accepting and moving on.
Recovery is falling apart,
Relapse,
And then more recovery.
Recovery isn't a road you walk alone.
There are friends,
Family,
A whole net of support there to catch you if,
And when,
You fall.
Recovery can only truly be achieved through the help and love of Jesus Christ.
It is He who recovers our souls and loves unconditionally.
It is He who heals and gives strength to carry on.
Recovery isn't easy,
But it's necessary.
And the farther I travel the more I begin to feel that it's worth it.
And so,
Perhaps,
Am I.
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9 comments:

Amy said...

Happy 1-year, Grace. This post is absolutely beautiful!!!

kimberly said...

This is one of my favorite posts by you! I'm so proud of you, girl. I remember when your journey began. The tear-stained blog posts and promises to pray. I may have never known you in real life, but I've known you through this blog.

It's been a long road, but God was so faithful. You were a shining light of faith and hope, Grace. You truly are a inspiration to me.

Elizabeth said...

Praise the Lord for His faithfulness! He's worked on you pretty intensely this past year, and He's not done yet. ^_^ Personally, i'm excited to see what He has for you.
oh, and p.s. - i LOVE your boots.

Abi said...

Beautiful.

Ella said...

I recently found your blog and I've been touched by your journey. You are beautiful and your friend takes lovely photographs!

Grace Doolittle said...

Thank you ladies so much! It's been quite the journey, and it is far from over. God is so good. :)

Sarah Michelle said...

Congratulations dear! You have been on my prayer list for quite some time, and I am so happy for you! These pictures are amazing! You are so pretty! I will keep you in my prayers! :)

Haley said...

You're so lovely, inside and out!

Sarah K said...

You are beautiful Grace. Happy, healthy anniversary!! God is so good. I believe He has a wonderful plan for you. You are His princess. :)

P.S. I LOVE the outfit you are wearing on the bridge while standing on your tip-toes AND wearing a mask?! You talented Lady! :D