April 18, 2012

Hide and Seek

"New Post" button. 
I'm finally back to haunt you again!
Here's what's been happening.

Thing One: I'm old(er).
I turned nineteen on April fifth.
I thought that, per usual on a birthday, I wouldn't feel any older.
Oh, but I do; so very very much older.
I feel like I keep running into old skeletons and ghosts, most of them having greatly to do with the person I was hardly a year ago.
Someone who looked (somewhat) like me on the outside, but was fumbling, lost and in the control of an Eating Disorder, on the inside.
(This picture still freaks me out. A lot.)
By the grace of God alone I'm still alive.
But all I've been able to think about lately is how things used to be.
All I ever do is think about the past.
Whether it's things that happened twenty years before I was born, or words I've said or actions I've taken in my own lifetime, I spend so much of my time dwelling in the past, thinking about what I could have, should have done.
All these things I want to change, things I wish I could have done, wondering about the people I've met, all does something extremely negative: it holds me to these impossible standards-to change things I can never change-and pins me to the past. 
Christ calls on us to "keep running the race", to "look to the Author and Finisher of our faith". 
I'm so busy looking behind me, I do nothing but run into all of the obstacles that stand in my path.
So I'm beginning year nineteen with the resolution to look ahead.
I can't change the past, and I can't keep living expecting myself to.
Back to the main topic of discussion: my birthday itself was a quiet affair, just the way I like it. 
My sister got me the most thoughtful necklace from Etsy: sea glass and silver wire shaped into a teapot!
It reminds me of my two favourite things: tea and the sea!
My lovely coworker and friend, Cassandra, got me something to delight my inner Who-vian nerd.
In the words of my favourite Doctor: "People assume that time is a strict progression of a cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey...stuff."
*Satisfied grin*
My birthday gift to me was a vintage train case- something I've wanted for some time now- in mint condition, found at my local thrift store for under ten dollars.
When compared to the sky-high prices for the same thing on Etsy, I feel like I've done rather well!

Thing Two: I'm An Aunt (Again)
Yup! That's right! I'm deplorably behind in posting this, but my little nephew, Huck Bushatz, was born about a month ago!
Here he is, looking much like an extraterrestrial as most newborns tend to do.
And here he is in a hat, knit by his Aunt Grace (That's me: I have to call myself that every once in a while so that I don't forget I've got crazy-lady duties. Everyone needs a crazy aunt, and I'm pretty sure it's me.)
Of course, Amy and Co. live in Georgia, so I still haven't gotten to even hold this munchkin yet, but this might be a good thing: babies and I don't seem to get a long very well. Whenever I hold one, it declares its dislike of me very vocally (and I might mention very loudly too).

Thing Three: The Boys In The Band
I've always been in love with classical music (and for my fellow music nerds, I'm using "Classical" as a generalization. I'm really in love with the Romantic era, although Classical is stunning as well), but it seems to be all I can listen to right now.
There's something so rich and inexplicably breath-taking about classical music. It is fuller, more-developed, and seemingly more expressive than modern lyrical tunes. The way it draws one in, how it can express to perfection entire thoughts or emotions in one line of song. Modern music, with its back beat and lyrics somehow seems infinitely less imaginative and expressive than one symphony by Debussy. An opera by Mozart can tell a better, more heartfelt tale of the hear than a hundred of today's love songs put together.
Hmm, I'm beginning to get carried away again, aren't I? 
Well, to get back on subject, my most recent musical obsessions have been playing Vivaldi's Four Seasons, windows down, at a rather high volume as I drive around town. This draws many confused stares from those driving along-side me, but I figure they could use some tasteful music in their lives.
My latest craze has been in the form of Georges Bizet's Symphony No.1 in C, and Jeux D'enfants Op. 22
And, of course, I'm always listening to Claude Debussy (Chopin, Stravinsky, and Mendelssohn are in there too!).
I often wonder what you, my readers, like to listen to.
So I'm finally going to ask!
What's on your list of most-played? 
Who's your favourite artist or musician?

Thing Four: Looking Ahead
Things that are going to be happening soon are:
1. Work, work, and more work. I'm working a lot this week (and hopefully the week after, and the week after, and the week after...), and I'm loving it! I have a great job. 
2. Brianne is coming home! My bestie returns from her college sojourns sometime next month, and I'm very excited! We'll get to do fun things again which brings me to number...
3. Feist concert on May 29. Yup, you read right! I bought tickets for Brianne and I to go hear one of our favourite artists, the lovely Feist, in concert next month. I'm so very excited!
4. My brother's wedding. It's not until the end of Summer, but there are details to be looked after! I'm honoured and excited to be a bridesmaid, and I can't wait to pick out dresses and hopefully get my craft on with Sophie and her sisters for some of the smaller details. I adore weddings!
5. Manicure. I was told that I can't stick all of my birthday money into college savings, so I've decided that I'm going to go do something I never thought I'd do: get acrylics. It sounds absurdly girly (and I'm not going to lie: I can be absurdly girly), and they will actually be quite short, but I have such ridiculously stubby fingers on disproportional hands, so perhaps this make my hands look more like the long, elegant, fairy-hands I've always wished I had. 
What are your upcoming plans and activities? Anything exciting happening in your world? 
Be sure to leave a comment in the box telling me all about it!


sisty de shifty said...


Amy lives in Kentucky. Or Tennessee. Or both? 0_o


Don't get acrylics! Get "shellacs" or "gels" (same thing, different names). Acrylics will be incredibly painful when it comes time to take them off. Unless you plan to keep going over and over to maintain them, the gels are the way to go. I'm getting some soon! :)

NUMBA 3!!!

I'm glad you love your necklace! :)

NUMBA 4!!!!

Love you! :)

kimberly said...

So good to read another post by the lovely Grace! I agree, looking forward rather then behind is a hard thing we probably all struggle with. I'm finally excited and not scared of the future -- it's an amazing feeling. Definitely a blessing from the Lord.

That teapot necklace is SO adorable! And you need to post more. ;) I love your writing.

Grace Doolittle said...

Good Gracious!! I said Georgia, didn't I!? Well, I really messed up! Oops!
I will look into the shellacs! That is good to know, seeing as I can't afford (nor do I want) to keep going in and getting fake nails maintained. My problem is my fingers are so wide and square that over-the-counter nails are never the right size or look. Meh.
Kim! I'm so flattered! To return the compliment, I love reading your blog as well! Especially the pictures. Your photography is always stunning and very *real*.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I really enojoyed this post Grace. It was very introspective and emotionally powerful. I agree that looking into the past can be harmful...for every second spent ruminating about the past, the would have beens, and should have beens, is one less second spend on the present and the future. I think the very fact that you recognize this is a very good sign in and of itself. I look forward ot following more of your journey on here. ~Keith

Victoria said...

Happy super-late birthday and congrats on being an aunt again! I'm excited to see you posting.

I'm letting you know that I tagged you at my blog. http://raindropsandmoonlight.blogspot.com/2012/04/tagged.html
I'd be delighted if you'd like to do the tag! :)

Lily said...

ohmyword....those wibbly-wobbly earrings are PERFECT!!!! You have awesome friends =)

*sighs* You're so beautiful, Grace. don't ever stop believing that <3