June 29, 2011

Day, Interrupted

Oh, the joys of stomach flu!
Which, as you might have guessed, have hit my house.
This one is silent, not too deadly, but a stomach flu none-the-less.
At first, it seemed as if only my three youngest siblings were going to get it.
Heck, one of them had it twice!
But my mom woke up this morning and decided that she, too, was sick. And she is.
My theory is this:
The siblings should have been the only one to get it.
They've all been getting the free community lunches at the park everyday, and have all been playing at the park's local splash pad. I think they got it from one or the other (I lean more towards the splash pad theory- that water is partly recirculated, and full of little kids in swimming diapers doing heaven only knows what in that water).
I think that then, by staying up all night and nursing my youngest sister (who had it the worst, per usual), my mother ended up catching a hold of whatever it was as well. 
Patsy, my ten-year-old sister, always gets stomach bugs the most often and the worst.
She gets dehydrated from being sick very easily which, of course, makes her sick even more, so she can't keep fluids down, which drives her into a vicious cycle involving lots of gagging and pain.
Happens every time.
Anyway, I currently have a little sister recovering on the couch, and mother under the weather upstairs. 
Add to that two restless brothers and a rainy day and you've got yourself a case of cabin fever to drive you crazy.
I've spent the day cleaning, and am happy to say that the sky is appearing to clear up (I see a patch of blue!) and my brothers will soon be set to play outside.
My mother, realizing we have overdue books, has asked me to make a trek to the library (like she had to ask!) so I have four miles of walking and a library's worth of freedom ahead of me later. 
In the mean time, I've resorted to a familiar stint: that of baking something delicious and blogging while it's in the oven.
(Very reminiscent of last Summer: here's just one example.)
Today's goodies are made with tummy illness in mind: Big, soft, ginger cookies.
Of course, I'm not saying I'm going to offer any of these cookies to my mother (Patsy may get one later if she continues to do well), but ginger is commonly used to help sick stomachs. Flour, butter, sugar, and molasses, however, aren't. 
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In other news, I've found a new pen pal- the lovely Rachel of Dramatic Elegance- and although I've had other offers (for which I thank each and every one of you), I think I should stick to just one pen pal for now. The reasons being.
1. Postage: I don't have a huge budget for too many stamps
2. Time. It should be interesting enough to see how I fare with one pen pal. I believe that for the Summer I should be right on the ball, no procrastinating between letters, but if I were to be writing more than one person I'm 99% sure that wouldn't be true. I'd probably end up never writing anyone
As it is, I'm super-duper excited to have a pen pal (especially one as fabulous a person as Rachel!) and sent off my first letter this morning, despite the odds.
Now the time has come to kick my brothers off the couch and outside, check my mother, pull a tray of aromatic ginger-softies from the oven, and prepare for a library trek. 
Cheerio, dear people!

June 28, 2011

Notice

Notice:
Single, word-crazy girl desperately seeking Summer pen pal.
Wanted:
Someone with a similar love of all things both posty and delivered, as well as being in posession of good humor, imagination, and a creative outlook. 
Someone with whom I can exchange letters this Summer- even if just a few- and through the Fall and Winter if the time permits and we find it agreeable. 
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I've been desperately wishing to ask a blogger friend to be a pen-pal for some time now, but I'm always afraid that I'll come across as a creeper, and that all of you would be uncomfortable with the notion of exchanging letters and addresses with a person you have never actually met.
Well, I'm throwing  caution to the wind, because I want a pen pal this Summer, and I want one now
Any takers? 
Anyone at all?
Email me and lets get scribbling. 
{ladygraced@gmail.com}
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Other News Includes
My newly finished, latest, knitted cardigan. It took me three or so days to put together, and I'm still not 100% sure I'm done. I am contemplating putting a tie on it for closing it, and maybe blocking it. 
I knit it in 100% bamboo silk that is absolutely to die for. I love the feel of the fabric!
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Er...you'll have to forgive the really bad photo quality. My mom's camera sometimes just won't cooperate, and today is one of those days.
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Just one more thing I ended up getting done yesterday. *grin* Here are some of the others that you saw on my To-Do list.
Almost done with my teacup. I made the mistake of waiting until the end of the day to get it done, but forget (per usual) that by the end of the day I'm usually to tired and disinterested to be of any good. 
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I just need to paint and attach the handle, and she's done! 
Also, my designs for the Independence Day cupcakes.
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They're going to be red velvet chocolate cake, in patriotic liners, probably with either a chocolate ganache or chocolate cream cheese filling. Then I'm going to make white cream cheese buttercream frosting (I love doing the mountainous swirls on top- my favorite decorating trick!), sprinkle them with colored sugar crystals in red and blue, and then stick a spiffy, patriotic pick on top. I can't wait to get baking!
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I'm just now discovering that my mother washed my brand new black cami from Downeast Basics and then proceeded to put it in the dryer, so it is now too small to fit even me. This is a fact that is making me extremely aggravated and miffed, because, not only did I just buy it to replace my old, worn out one, but I dropped the whole $22 on it (which really isn't in the budget right now), because I was at the mall and I rarely go, so I seized my one opportunity. And now I have no black underpinning to wear under my low-cut shirts/dresses. So I can't wear a good portion of my wardrobe now. 
Miffed, indeed. 
*sips lemonade and strives to pray for patience and a happy spirit.*
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I listened to Owl City for a good portion of my 5 1/2 mile walk this morning.
There's something about his music that makes me want to break out into a dance routine, much like you see in those old musicals. 
The ones where everyone walking past suddenly joins in in perfectly choreographed, synchronized steps. 
Much like this:
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Owl City is just so darn...peppy! 
But I'm still relatively certain that, were I to actually start jiving to the music, I'd be the only person dancing.
Oh well, it may be worth a try!
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I'm currently reading-per a friend's "suggestion" ("suggestion" meaning: "Here's this book, you're going to go read it. Now.), Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis.
And it is marvelous.
I'm absolutely in love with Psyche's character thus far, the way she accepted her doom. If you know anything about this book or what's going to happen, don't tell me: I don't want any spoilers! 
And if you don't know anything about it, go read it yourself: it's fantastic!
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I'm being sworn into the PEO sisterhood this evening. PEO stands for "Philanthropic Education Organization". It's essentially a women's sorority or sisterhood that meets together and does activities to further education for women. They have fundraisers, and even a college! It's an organization that's been around since before 1900 (right at the beginning of the suffrage and first women's rights movements, of course) and-although it's not a certain denomination per say- you do have to confirm your belief in God, and is essentially Christian based. It's not feministic or anything ridiculous like that. My mother (and grandmother) has been a member for many, many years. Now that I'm finally 18, I've been invited to join! I'm so excited- I'm going to be initiated tonight. There's a lot of ceremony and rules about the official things like becoming a member, but I'm looking forward to tonight with nervous anticipation.
Wish me luck!
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I need to go clean the kitchen- it is a decided mess since my little brother would appear to either have decided not to, or forgotten to do the lunch and breakfast dishes. 
*sigh*
This is what being a big sister is for.
How's you day going so far? 
Do you have any upcoming plans?
And will you be my pen pal?

June 27, 2011

The Monday Grindstone

It's Monday!
Again.
And as many of you know, Monday is my day for doing...things.
Getting things done.
Moving through that colossal "To Do" list, and conquering it valiantly, emerging victorious and triumphant at the end of the day.
Well, maybe it's not quite that dramatic.
It certainly feels that way (probably because Mondays are the only day of the week in which I actually write a To-Do list, and get through it).
I've already had a devotional, read breakfast, gone grocery shopping for the week, played phone tag with/nagged my doctor, cleaned my room, and organized this week's general schedule. 
However, all this reflects more along the lines of my "school year" mentality.
I love my Summer To-Do lists infinitely more.
"Why?" do you ask?
Silly question, indeed!
Here's what my list looks like.
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Write two Thank-You notes: one to my best friend and her mother for the fabulous afternoon I had with yesterday, which was spent listening to Owl City and eating ice cream at Coldstone. The other to my best friend's grandmother for the delicious lunch and rousing good time that was had after church yesterday.
Make these papier-mache teacups.
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Finish my designs for the cupcakes I'm taking to our friend's house on Independence Day, and then create a list of needed items/procure these items.
I'm so excited about these cupcakes! I'm planning on going all out on them.
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(No, they will not look anything like this: I just think these are adorable, is all).
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Read some, and visit the library (if there's time. If not, I'll just walk there tomorrow instead). 
Go shopping/hang out with my mother. This includes going to various stores around town (hopefully at least one thrift), maybe getting this year's bathing suit (which I probably won't.), and- if I'm lucky- buying her an iced latte at Starbucks. Because I love to treat her to lattes. 
Drink tea.
Lots and lots of tea.
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Or, more specifically, chai tea. 
Oh, the love of my life!
Chai, chai, chai.
Hot, cold, plain, sweet, black, latte.
Just...
Chai.
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I don't use this recipe, I just think this is a cute design.
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Walk at least two miles (I do this daily as a matter of course and enjoyment, I just like to remind myself).
Put the finishing touches on my transcript.
Read some John Donne, John Keats, and Tennyson poetry. This is not included in the general "reading," because reading poetry-especially these chaps- is always followed by a long space of dreamy contemplation.
Go down to the convenience store and purchase the following:
One (1) Honest T "Honest Ade" lemonade beverage (As a side note, I just found out they make the Honest Ades in various flavors, one being mango lemonade. I need to get my hands on some of this, and fast).
Two (2) packs of Extra Gum's "Dessert Delights" chewing gum packs, at the fabulous price of two-for-a-dollar (I told our convenience store was convenient!).
Connive different means and ways of making homemade frozen yogurt, using my favorite Zoi Greek yogurt. 
If I do this right, I should be able to connive today and actually make it tomorrow. Who knows? 
Eat pickles and peanut butter. 
Not together, and not necessarily in that order either.
I'm always craving, coveting, yearning for, thinking about peanut butter, but for some reason I've also begun to crave...pickles.
Hm.
Anywho, I'm relatively sure you'd have to agree that for a To-Do list, it's a pretty dissipated, silly, nonsensical, and unimportant compilation of things. Which is exactly as it should be because, hey!  It's Summer!
What's on your To-Do list today?

June 24, 2011

Dear Friday

Dear Friday,
I am writing in response to your posted advertisement that read as such:
"Wanted
Sunshine, relaxation, and a someone with ample time to spend in it.
Offering a 12 to 24 hour position.
Tasks include smiling, reflecting, wandering, and any random acts of kindness as needed.
The person inquiring must be of good humor and creative turn of mind, and must also posses a good imagination from which they may draw on to fill said working hours with diverting entertainment.
Television and video games are prohibited.
Inquire within."

I believe I am more than qualified for this position.
My resume boasts an impressive knowledge of crafting skills, and I am in possession of many resources to work with, all of which should more than exceed the management's expectations. 
     Some of these include: 
A full collection of books- poetry and prose, fiction and nonfiction- and a near limitless source to draw on in the event of a shortage. 
A propensity to and talent for wandering: i.e. gypsying, long walks, expeditions, escapades, etc. Also, a bicycle is available upon request or need. 
Advanced knitting skills and many on-hand supplies. 
An active, rambling mind, much accustomed to musing and reflecting. 
Ample amounts of time to draw upon- I am at your disposal! 
Years of practice in the area of Friday relaxation, as well as a course or two in weekend dissipation. 
Excellent tea-time skills. 
I am accomplished in the area of kitchen and culinary skills: cooking, baking, etc. 
A large collection of hats- vintage and non; all quite stylish and more than suitable- as well as sunglasses and sunscreen. Also have a large wardrobe selection including dresses, shorts, tanks, tees, jeans, and many pairs of shoes to fit attire requirements.
I have very few requests or demands as an employee. I require at least twenty ounces of good hot tea at any given time during the shift, although I am quite ready to exchange it for lemonade, should there be any on hand.
I also demand good music, sunshine, and a lawn chair
Fireflies and a wonderful sunset are nice, but I'm not too choosy on these two fronts.
I am available to contact at any given time of the day. Please send your response to:
Grace Anne Doolittle
The Old Painted Gypsy Cart 
Between the Dream and the Reality.
I can also be found at your local library or wandering an open field.
Hope to hear from you soon!
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June 22, 2011

Happiness Is...

Happiness is...
The first truly hot day of the year.
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Spending hours outside in the backyard, iced tea in hand, wide brimmed black hat perched stylishly on head, parked in an old blue lawn chair, knitting merrily away.
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Sugary chewing gum that reminds you of being a child, and brings back a wave of nostalgia with every bite.
Gum that reminds you of the days gone past when, if you were given a dollar, you promptly ran to the nearest store and bought your favorite pack of gum, and were completely and utterly content and happy afterwards.
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Happiness is...
laying stretched out on your bed, basking in the glow of the sunset as it pours through your window, reading a book so wonderful, it transports you from your world to someplace new.
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Fields of flowers that you pass on the side of the road- inexplicable in their origin or purpose, but lovely none-the-less.
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Boldly choosing to rebuke Satan, and to ignore the havoc he's trying to wreak in your heart; choosing, instead, to wear a smile and embrace the gift of that "Peace which passeth all understanding". Letting go of the worry that is creeping up on you, and picking the joy of a life redeemed. Praying to God to take your burdens away. And finding that it actually works.
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Happiness is...
This dress.
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These sunglasses.
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Beautiful music.
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The knowledge that you've had a day well spent.
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Happiness is...
Finding bright color, great beauty, and simple, creative joy in the boring, sad, mundane things of everyday.
Finding the sun behind every dark cloud.
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Spending an evening eating frozen yogurt and having a long, heart-to-heart talk with your mother; resolving painful questions, seeking God's guidance, growing closer, and laughing together.
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Being able, for the first time in a long long time, to look forward with excitement to all the next day has to bring: challenges, triumphs, msitakes, lessons, joys, tears, adventures, and beauty.
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Being so exultant about your day, that you do a second blog post in the same 24 hours. (*Sheepish grin*)
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Happiness is...
The knowledge that-come what may- you are never unloved.
And you are never alone.
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Are you happy?
"Rejoice in the Lord always: And again I say Rejoice." -Philippians 4:4

The Golden Hour

Silence.
Like a warm blanket, covering the entire house and casting strange shadows throughout it; shadows not perceivable during the loud hustle and bustle of the day.
But they're there now.
Not so much visible shadows as shadows felt. Shadows cast by many things: the light tunes of the mockingbirds and swallows that are already eating breakfast, wheeling in the sky in a sort of exultant greeting-the-day. The smell of fresh cut grass- bejeweled with dew drops from the early morning sprinklers- that hangs in the air, unhampered by the aromas of people and breakfast food. 
It's as if everything is at a standstill- a wrinkle in time- and I, clad in pajamas, clutching a mug of hot tea, Bible open before me, get to be firsthand witness to the powerful magic that is the dawn of a new day. 
The dusky shadows- hues of grey and blue- are settled lightly over everything, just barely keeping the rosy colors of morning from dominating.
And then there is light.
Unfiltered, beautiful, golden fingers, that reach out, grasp the windows, doors, and finally push through to find the floor, the chair, the table, and, finally, me.
I feel like I've been touched by the hand of Midas, as if everything has been turned to solid gold. The house takes on life, waking up and rubbing its eyes, and the objects surrounding me suddenly seem so lifelike. 
The sky outside is a charming shade of light powder blue, with peach and coral-tinged clouds scudding their way across the expanse of my limited horizon. But for once, I don't care that my view is blocked by the roofs of other houses. I am content to be with the light and in the light. I am content with the silence that I have been given.
But, like the golden hour of down, silence doesn't last.
The sun moves on in the sky, seeming to rush as if apologetic for spending so much time waking up. 
The house, now lit, stirs lightly, and the steady stream of people begins like a slow leak down the stairs: first a brother, then mother, then another brother...
The smells are masked and changed, covered by that of sunscreen, coffee, and toast.
Soon, I can't hear the birds, just the chatter of people. 
I soon forget the steady, quiet pace of morning as I engage with others, and start to build my plans for the day; comings and goings, wishes, hopes.
But there is one light, one peace, one joy that will not be diminished or changed, no matter what hustle and bustle the day may bring, nor how far across the sky the sun goes. 
And that is this:
"In Him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not... That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made by Him, and the world knew him not. He came unto His own, and His own received Him not. But as many as received Him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on His name...And of His fulness have we all recieved, and grace for grace."- John 1:4-5; 9-12; 16.
"Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."- Matthew 5: 14-16.
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(Just so you all know, I prayed for each and every one of my blogger pals today. If I knew of a specific request or struggle, I was able to pray a little more specifically. If not, then I prayed that you would be given the strength to get through the day and to face any struggles you may be going through, and that God would bless you with a joyful heart, and give you encouragement beyond compare.)
Now, go forth and shine as lights.
:)

June 21, 2011

Soak Up The Sun

I was reviewing a lot of blog posts today, and I found something incredibly (dare I say oddly and perhaps too strangely?) similar. 
Everyone would appear to have had a very bad day yesterday.
Everyone spent yesterday either breaking down or just in the doldrums of life in general.
I like to believe that it had something to do with it being the last day of Spring, or something like that.
Either way, I've spent the day praying for all of these people, and I elect that we make today- the first day of Summer 2011- abso-bally-lutely spiffin'!
I certainly had a good day (and not just because it's payday, either). I decided when I woke up this morning (at the bright, gold-lit hour of 6:24 AM) that I was going to spend the first day of Summer doing as many of the things that I love as possible. 
Sadly, this has not yet included a session of cupcake baking.
I may do something about that tonight, though.
Here's a recap of how marvelous things have been!
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It all began with my morning Bible reading. I always start with some Psalms and then see where God leads me next. It's so vital to my day, this portion of the morning. The moments I spend with God always set the tone, and I'm a firm believer (and firsthand witness to the truth) of the saying "A day hemmed in prayer seldom unravels."
Now, this isn't my photo. I wish it was, but it's not. I borrowed this one from Kailyn over at A New Rebel. For some unknown reason (and you can laugh if you like) I am in love with this picture. It simply captures everything I love about Summer mornings: the lighting, the mood, the color, the subject. It's like a slice of simple, everyday life that is actually quite the luxury. Maybe it's because Summer is the only time I don't frantically rush through breakfast in under a minute... 
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Of course, there were large amounts of wandering or "gypsying" as I like to call it. It's what I do best. I think I  got a little over five miles of walking in, most of that being just wandering around town. 
I'm a gypsy.
This is how I roam.
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Although I don't really like it, there was driving involved too. *Sigh*
Cars me no likey.
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"Things I love" invariably includes the greatest lemonade available in the refrigerated section of your local convenience store: Honest T's Honest Ade. Yum! 
By the by, I don't think I've mentioned the convenience store down the road from our house.  It's a nice little 1/4 mile or so stroll around the corner, situated next to an independent burger joint that delivers the biggest, best peanut butter milkshakes (and other delights) for only a handful of dollars. Needless to say, having a convenience store so close by that offers great prices and wider variety of items is...convenient!
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Of course there was knitting involved today as well!
My new find- Paton's Silk Bamboo yarn at a discount price of $1.30 a skein- that's a steal!

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What you see here is the beginnings of a pair of very loud, very obnoxious elf booties I'm going to inflict on my unsuspecting two-year-old nephew. And his mother. *evil giggle*
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I'm knitting with Classic Elite's Renaissance yarn, and boy howdy is it absolutely delicious to work with!
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There has also been lots of reading (I finished The New Policeman! I'll post my thoughts on it later), and tea drinking as well. I am, in fact, writing this during my tea time (this is your opportunity to reflect on either "how quaint" or "how absurd" my daily habits of a distinctly British nature are. It will no doubt seem more absurd when I tell you that it's hot tea, and that the forecast outside reads 86 degrees).
I've also been watching the 25th Anniversary production of Les Miserables, something I stumbled across as I was reading through the list of proffered titles at our local Redbox. I absolutely love this musical, and am determined to be in a production some day. 
The day did have its tinge of sadness and regret, however, as most days do.
First of all, my grandfather passed away last night in his sleep.
I know it seems shocking and callous that I could even treat this so likely, but the truth is he was so very sick for some time now, and we've all been waiting for this to happen for just as long. I'd be lying if I were to tell you that my grandfather were a loving, gentle man. He wasn't hard, necessarily, but he wasn't extremely kind either. He'd had a very troubled heart and life, and I don't think anyone really knew him. The greatest sadness here is the fact that I don't know that he ever accepted the Lord as his Saviour, and the knowledge of where he might now be dwelling brings me to tears every time I think about it. I, more so than my siblings, because I've spent the past few months particularly burdened about his soul, and even wrote him a letter outlining salvation and imploring him to turn to Jesus.
It may never have happened. 
The other (much more minor) disappointment was the fact that my friends and I had to call off our much-looked-forward-to expedition to the Weiser Fiddle Festival tomorrow. We were going to have an overnight tonight and then spend tomorrow road-tripping up there, hearing the music, enjoying the carnival, and then driving back, but work schedules got in the way at the last minute, and we can't go after all. 
In the end, though, it's not too bad because I get to spend the entire day with my mother. I've been worried that our relationship has drifted apart. There's this invisible wall- a void, more like- that didn't used to be there. There's frustration, and poor communication instilled in it, and I'm not sure how to begin to get around it, if it's not just my imagination. I desperately want to be a good, encouraging daughter; someone who lifts my mother up, and doesnt' add to her already heavy burden. I'm really working on this, and I'm hoping the time we spend together tomorrow makes things a little better.
And now, I must bid you all adieu as I go make dinner!
What did you do today? Did you have any special "First Day of Summer" plans?
What are you looking forward to?
 I have this thing on my blog where you can leave comments- you know the one!- and I'm desperately hoping, wishing that you would tell me all about your day and plans by leaving one in the box!
Cheerio (and happy Summer!)
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June 20, 2011

Git 'Er Done.

Today is a day for getting things done.
I never really decided this. 
There we no open acknowledgments made to the tasks I wanted to complete.
I didn't plan and plot my way through a "To-Do" list.
There were no hours in front of a computer, no long breaks or lunch hours to be had.
It was all rather inadvertently and gloriously done, with a most delicious sense of lackadaisical (dare I say lazy?) contentment and a complacent turn of mind.
Unhurried. 
Just like Summer ought to be.
I finished two books, and I feel as if I've earned myself a bonus sticky-star because they were both from my my Summer reading list (two of the Mitford novels). I've started a third novel today, and it's one I've never even heard of but promises to be interesting- The New Policeman by Kate Thompson. 
I walked to and from the library, and picked up my "prizes" for completing the second level of the Summer reading program. I adore library Summer reading programs: they already give me free books to take away for long periods of time and read to my heart's content, they just put an extra cherry on top by giving me free stuff to do what I do best: sit around for hours on end and read. What's not to love?!
I finished my Aunt's afghan blanket. The one I was knitting that's fabulous shades of gold and sagey green? Yes, that one. I refuse to wait until my mother's sojourn to the East Coast in August: I'm going to ship it off as soon as possible- tomorrow, if I can- and get it out of my room. The thing is huge! I have no where to put it, and I wouldn't wish having to lug that thing in an extra carry-on across several states and airports on anyone, much less my own mother. 
Now I get to begin knitting things for my nephew! 
By the way, have I ever introduced you to my Nephew?
No?
I thought not.
I've done a pretty darn good job of keeping my obsessive Aunty-Grace thing under control on here, but I'm going to throw caution to the wind here because hey: the kid is adorable!
Meet Dave.
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Isn't he just adorable?! *Squeals*
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Reading the paper with his pops.
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His current favorite accessory (or at least it was a month ago)- the circus hat that I knit him. I actually made it for him at birth, but I was just throwing things on and off the needles at the time, without any regard for size. If it was cute, and for little kids, I knit it. Needless to say, not all of the things I made found their way to my sister and nephew- an alarming amount were left lying around my room and eventually shipped to the thrift store- but I'm glad this one did. Because it is (or was) his favorite thing, now that it almost fits.  
And lucky me! I have the pattern in every size through adult, so I can wreak this thing on him in a hundred different colors for the rest of his life. *evil aunt grin*
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The Sister, The Husband, and The Nephew are an army family, currently stationed in Georgia (soon to be stationed in Kentucky), so we don't get to see them. Ever. However, The Sister and The Nephew are supposed to visit next month. Or they were. The army has decided to move them to Kentucky rather unexpectedly, so that plan might fall through. *weep*.
I've pretty much finished my high school transcript, and can now move on with getting 100% accepted to the college and get my class schedule. Hooray! 
I finished my latest batch of thank-you cards. Good heavens, but I think I'm going to be writing thank-yous for graduation gifts for the rest of my life! Not that this is a bad thing- it actually reminds me how blessed I am.
I am sitting down enjoying my afternoon tea. This doesn't happen every afternoon anymore, so I feel a definite sense of completion on days that it does. I'm being a good girl, though: I only fill the pot half full, and use a smaller teacup to fool Vanity into thinking I'm getting as much as I usually do. I also eat my required snack during tea time, so it's not just empty, calorie-less food. 
And because it's tea time and so very relaxing, I don't get to angry about the eating part.
 Yes, fun fact about anorexia: whereas most people get angry when they're hungry, anorexics get angry when they eat. Putting food in my mouth can turn me into an absolute monster, makes me unrecognizable. It also has turned me into a liar, a miser, and the most selfish person I know. I hate what this thing is doing to me! I long for the days of being able to drink a regular root beer without wanting to wound myself. It makes me cry to think that I used to love ice cream and sweet food. I'm miserable that the only lemonade I'm willing to drink has zero calories and tastes like stevia. I'm ashamed that I spend so much time and energy looking for ways to skip meals, hide food, or burn off whatever calories I've just consumed that I have not time or energy to think of anything or anyone else. The happiest days of my life were the ones when I'd order frappucinos at Starbucks, hot dogs at concession stands, and eat a full dinner without blinking and hating myself with frightening passion so intense, it keeps me awake at night. It scares me that I've damaged my heart, severely weakened my bones, and probably shortened my life span, and that only the smallest fraction of me seems to want to get better and stop hurting myself like that. I'm haunted by the truth that I honestly don't really think I'm sick, and that every time I pass any sort of reflective surface, I scrutinize every inch of me and hear a nasty snarl whispering in my ear "Not good enough." Why, oh why, did I ever let myself get this way? Why did I let Satan find a back-door into my heart and begin to destroy what Christ had saved from sin? 

"Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil...
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand in the evil day...
and, having done all...
to stand."
Don't just put the armour on so that it's possible to stand firm...actually do it.
Because we're all fighting an enemy much stronger than us.
But not nearly as strong as our God and Creator. 
I guess all of this is leading me to say that my greatest accomplishment and "completed task" of the day is the renewed desire to beat down what I am, what I've become. To defeat myself. To defeat Vanity. To defeat Satan. I'm going to look into counseling. I've been putting it off because, in my heart, I'm still trying to persuade myself that I'm actually "sick". I keep denying it. When I look at myself, I hear Vanity say "Ick. Look at that! You've definitely gained weight: you've completed your task, you can now stop following the rules." 
I'm still trying to get used to the idea that the voice in my head that I've so long thought was me, isn't. 
I feel like I've got no one to talk to, no one who at all understands how frustrating this is. 
It's already ruining my relationship with my mother in ways that confuse and frighten me (this has been one of my biggest concerns the past few weeks).
I've begun to develop some OCD tendencies. 
And it's really beginning to wear me down.
So I'm going to seek some more help. I'm mostly worried that I'll let a counselor or whoever ends up in that position take the place of God in my life. I want to go to God for my help and counsel. But I also realize that maybe he can supply a human for some of my needs too, without taking His place. 
All this is making my head spin.
Whew!
Sorry I just dropped all that on you guys.
But I guess venting and getting some of that off of my chest makes for another completed task for the day. 
It would appear that it's also eaten up an entire post and all my time for now- other responsibilities call, and I've got to up-and-go for now.
Hang in there, me lovlies!

June 18, 2011

I'm tired.
The past two days have been long.
I wanted to post, but I don't have anything to post about.
I wanted to write here, simply for the sake of writing.
"Well, self," said I "it's your blog: post if you want. 
So here I am.
...
Well! That was fun!
I guess I just want to leave you all with a couple of mindless bits of picture and information, as some things to contemplate for the coming day/days.
The "Sorry bag".
I feel like this picture sums up my life. 
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These two verses, that I feel in my very heart and soul each time I read them. 
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"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us."- Hebrews 12:1
"Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain."- I Corinthians 9:24
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I hope you all have a fabulous Saturday night and Sunday, and that you too remember to run in order to win.
Cheerio!

June 16, 2011

Day Seven: Last Call

It's the last day!
This time I'm posting in the evening on purpose, because I want you to do today's activity tomorrow (I have a thing for Fridays).
Tomorrow, you need to find a Camera and get snapping. 
It's pictures of your Summer day.
You can edit them, play with them, make them unique.
Make sure to add descriptions when you post them! 
I'm super excited to see what you all come up with.
When I was planning this blog party I had no notion that I would be called into work all day tomorrow, so I regret to say that I probably won't be able to take pictures of my day myself.
This doesn't mean I won't be posting pictures though. They'll just be either old or nabbed from We Heart It and Pinterest.
*sheepish grin*
Anyway, I'm very very excited to see what you all come up with...
and very very  tired after today's loooong work day.
We at the tea shop are having a yard/sidewalk sale all day tomorrow and Saturday, and I've been elected to run it. I'm ecstatic and so very much looking forward to it- this kind of thing is right up my alley- I'm just about ready to conk out for the night, is all. It's going to be up and at 'em tomorrow, and if I want to be able to read my Bible early in the morning like I usually do, then I may need to get up at a slightly unholy hour to do so (Oh, the joys of enjoying walking 2 1/2 miles to work so much that I insist on doing it!). 
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I already have the sleep patterns of a little old lady- in bed before or shortly after ten, and then up with the sun to spend time with God- but even for the night owl I truly am, I'm absolutely in love with the way it feels to get a full night's sleep. I enjoy being rested more than I ever enjoyed staying up past midnight to do random things. And I'm going to need sleep if I plan on spending all day running a huge yard sale on Main street, followed by joining the fun of the Meridian Dairy Days Parade tomorrow evening (one of my favorite events of the Summer! It's so much fun!). I'm also going to need lots of sunscreen and my favorite straw hat.
Well, enough of my rambling: get those cameras and get snapping, and I'll see if I can do the same tomorrow.
Also, to answer the question of various and sundry bloggers (*ahemEmilyRoseahem*), it's never too late to enter the blog party. Just comment and tell me about your post and I'll party on with you the entire way. It's a free-for-all!
Cheerio dear blogger-types!
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