There's nothing like the sound of the dentist revving up his instruments of torture and wielding his toothbrush to get my palms sweaty and make my heart rate accelerate to super human speeds. I got my first root canal this afternoon, and, as if I didn't hate the dentist enough, after two hours in The Chair, I think it's safe to say I may sell my own soul before willingly going back in there. Which is a problem seeing as I'm getting a crown next month. Goody goody.
However, there are many many ways to combat the tooth-trouble after the Novocaine has worn off, and I feel it is my duty to enlighten my readers, should they ever find themselves in a similar situation.
1. Knitting. Of course this one comes first! Of course it does! Knitting is a wonderful invention, a spectacular stress-reliever, and a frighteningly addicting craft. No, seriously. Once you begin it's hard to stop (says the girl with the curiously empty bank account and disturbingly large yarn stash).
2. The Telly. The boob-toob, the hypnotists, the magic box, whatever you want to call the Television, it's a wonderful invention in times like these. What's even greater is the DVD and DVD player. (And what's even greater than that is a Blu-Ray player, but let's not get picky here. We wouldn't want anyone to become jealous). Let's face it- you pop a flat circle into a machine, and, voila! You have a couple hours of mind-numbing entertainment! And let's not forget what's playing on Cable these days, either. I personally suggest a Star Wars or Dr. Who marathon for times like these (release your inner geek!!).
3. Other Crafts. This is a wide genre that includes all of the crafts lower in class than knitting (which is pretty much everything). Sewing, crochet, macrame, shoe-making (is this called cobbelry?), millinery- just get out your glue gun and be crafty.
4. Ice Cream or Peanut Butter. I'd put peanut butter first, but it's a little harder on the mouth to work and get down. Ice cream is a given.
5. A Large Punchbag. Let's face it: mouth pain makes a lot of people angry and violent.
6. Yoga. I'm so tempted to make puns about this, but concentrating on breathing, stretching, etc really does wonders.
7. Rice in a Pillowcase. Instructions. Pour rice into clean pillowcase, put pillowcase into microwave, heat for thirty seconds, apply to injured area.
8. Reading. I love reading. I read all of the time. Read read read. So now would be the perfect time for you to finally finish that 800 page book you started last year. Or at least make it through the third chapter.
9. Photoshop. There's this really fun tool where you can smoosh people's faces...
10. Prank Calls. Note: only do this if you are on a prescription strength painkiller such as Hydrocodone. That way, you'll sound either drunk or loopy enough that no one will recognize your voice or forgive you if they do, and you won't remember a thing the next day.